I love you dearly, I hope you know that. But you completely and honestly make my days go from bad to worse. You make my sunny skies turn to dark gloomy ones. You make my body break out in hives. You make me sick and I know this. I have known this for a while now, but for some reason I continue to make plans with you and spend hours with you and plaster on an artificial smile all for you. All for you? It makes no sense I realize as I write it out on paper but nevertheless I still do it. You make me hate you. I know you mean well but your well isn't good enough. Do you get that? Do you understand how your actions take effect on me? Are you completely oblivious or just in denial? Whatever you answer is I am okay with it and I need you to be okay too.
I cannot live with an artificial smile any longer. I cannot live in fear I may run into you at Target any longer . I cannot live knowing I have a friendship as an obligation not as a choice any longer. But most of all I cannot live with you in my life any longer.
I'm not quite sure what else to say other than I am not sorry. And no you did not read that wrong. Throughout our entire relationship (I wouldn't even call it that but thesaurus.com din't have any great antonyms for it, so here we are) I have been the one feeling guilty and apologizing repeatedly for reasons that still remain a mystery to me today. I hope you understand that this was honestly a long time coming and if you don't understand that, then you probably never will. At this point all I feel is relief and happiness and you may never realize your flaws and I may never realize my role in our toxic encounters all this time. I hope you grow and I hope I grow as well and who knows maybe one day when you call it will say something cliche and cheesy like... "bestie4life" instead of *insert poop emoji* *insert barf face emoji*.
♡ E.E.
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